DATING: RELATIONSHIPS vs OPTIONS
Leave your egos at the door and lets be real, dating is HARD!
This isn’t breaking news yet, it continues to be the most talked about subject in mainstream culture. Snapchat bombards you with articles from Cosmopolitan, People, Buzz Feed, and Seventeen, about “Finding the One,” “Dos & Don'ts of Dating,” and “How to Tell He’s Into You.” Instagram serves you with #RelationshipGoals, #WCW, #MCM, and #GetYouSomeoneWho. While Facebook statuses change from “Single” to “In a Relationship” in a blink of an eye. Every article, photo, hashtag, and status change is then followed by an inundation of obsessive and idolatry comments made by followers, friends, and family.
And since we’re being real here, you too have been a spectator to these posts. You too have praised the couples, while remaining hopeful it will one day be you. Which to be fair is completely harmless, until you become fixated on the facade of #RelationshipGoals.
“Do it for the ‘gram,” they say.
I too, fell victim to the relationship praising and borderline obsessive craze. Until one day I stopped, ran a self-inventory of my actions, and checked myself. How could I wish for something while simultaneously leading a life that attracted the polar opposite? How could I strive for #RelationshipGoals while my DMs paradoxically displayed #OptionGoals?
The options were overwhelming. It caused me to look at men as “potential candidates” I could sort through to fit the mold I had envisioned for my debut post of #RelationshipGoals. For a slight second, I thought I could customize my potential partner to fit all of my pre-requisites. And let me tell you, it was a hefty list. I quickly realized this is not Burger King and I could absolutely not have it my way. You cannot look at humans as modifiable orders. You also, can’t strive for commitment while simultaneously entertaining 5 prospects.
That’s where confusion and the desire for customizable orders stem from. You think, “‘A’ is so handsome. He would be perfect, if only he had ‘B’s’ smile and sense of style paired with ‘C’s’ work ethic.” How deranged does that sound? Then, if you’re anything like me, indecisiveness follows and you’re left to play “eenie, meenie, miney, mo” with the emotions and lives of others. It is selfish. And sadly many of us find ourselves in similar positions. It is the direct effect “options” have on our psyche.
Options are toxic, confusing, and detrimental if your purpose is to be in a committed relationship. That revelation alone was powerful enough to lead me to deactivate my Instagram account. I had to set my intentions in regards to commitment. I had to eliminate all options and zero in on what I wanted. The changes that have transpired since my decision have been enormous.
Eliminating “options” and being intentional while dating clears your schedule for activities and people you love rather than numerous and pointless dates. It also allows you to focus on yourself, your career, and goals. Lastly, it cleans up your dating life and removes all confusion. It enables you to deeply connect and share yourself wholeheartedly with a single person, rather than remaining at a surface level with 5 others. It offers a newfound freedom.
Dating is difficult by nature, don’t further complicate it by bringing “options” to the table. Dating is about intentions, awareness, and accountability. Run a self-check on yourself. Analyze how social media and “options” are affecting your dating life. Be real with yourself and make the necessary changes. Social media should be used as a tool to connect, influence, and bring about awareness. The moment it brings loss, confusion, and a counterfeit reality, it becomes a liability. Use it responsibly.